How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
