I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
only if we run a train.
done.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
