At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
