apparently the secret to your success is patron
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
