I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
