Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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