If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
