The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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