i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
