i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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