K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
