I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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