I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
