My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
