why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
