I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
