Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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