Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
