No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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