Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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