Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
