i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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