Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
