she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
