the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
