No stitches, just platelets and will power
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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