so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
