Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
