Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I didn't notice because vodka
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
