he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
