i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
