i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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