Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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