I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
