Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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