they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
