Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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