She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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