Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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