Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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