Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
