Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
