Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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