I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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