I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
