just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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