i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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