I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
