I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
