the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
