If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
whose ass print is on the piano?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
