drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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