i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
