I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
