my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
